The Overthinker's Journal

I’ve learned an important lesson. If I say anything contrary to the beliefs of people I thought were friends (or at least friendly), they become mean. They attack me for daring to question if the Emperor has no clothes.

I’ve worked in the Executive Branch for over 18 years. I saw the transitions from George W. Bush, to Barack Obama, to Donald Trump, to Joe Biden, and back to Donald Trump.

I can tell you this is not a normal administration transition. This is not how this works. This is an administration violating laws left and right to institute a power grab this country has never seen before.

But rather than value my insight or my knowledge of what’s going on, it is ignored. I have been basically told that I need to just go “shut up and color.”

They heard the richest man on earth say that there are TRILLIONS of dollars in fraud. I ask them to question this. I ask how does that even make sense? I ask if they honestly believe the budget has that much fraud and no one noticed before Elon showed up? In return, they ask me why should they believe me over Elon? I get criticized for not toting the line.

I point out how the Department of Defense is being illegally gutted of its employees. I’m told to accept it, because the DoD is not a jobs program. How do you even get to that from what I said?

I questioned why we were turning our back on Ukraine, and cozying up to the actual dictator, Vladimir Putin. I’m told that I am just upset that I was lied to that Trump was going to be taken out of the Oval Office in handcuffs 4 years ago. Again, a total non sequitur.

Further, I am lectured, we supposedly signed a treaty with the Soviet Union in the 1970s. This person claimed we agreed not to let a country on the Soviet border join NATO. In what world does that even make sense? You do know why NATO was formed, right? We signed no such agreement.

I ask for someone to explain why I and many people like me have been called a parasite by Elon. My former science teacher replied. He told me I deserve it, because bureaucrats (as if we are all one person) don’t care about him. This is the person who taught me critical thinking and the scientific method.

But hey, as long as Trump supporters win and not Biden supporters.

Guess what? I didn’t support Biden either. But, at least Biden didn’t send an angry mob to the Capitol to “Hang Mike Pence!” when he lost.

My trust is not to any president. My trust is to the Constitution. I want this country to survive. I seriously question if it will right now.

I pointed out that Elon hasn’t found any fraud. Nothing on his list on the DOGE website is fraud. He’s just found things this administration disagrees with. In return, I get told, “I guess you think Biden did a good job.” This is from my former English teacher. She taught me to do my own research, cite my sources in a bibliography, and stay on topic.

If she assigned an essay on “Moby Dick,” and I turned in one on how horrible “The Old Man and the Sea” was, I’m pretty sure I would get an F.

These interactions with my old teachers did help me understand one thing. It is now clear why the bullies I feared throughout middle school never got written up.

My own family hasn’t asked me how am I doing. They see the news. They know that thousands upon thousands of federal workers are being fired. They know the budgets are being slashed. They see my Facebook posts on what’s happening.

Not one of them has so much as messaged me and said, “are you OK?” Or, “hang in there.” Or even, “I’m thinking about you.”

I wish someone would.

If they had, I’d tell them:

I’m tired.

I’m scared.

I’m worried.

I’m anxious.

But honestly, most of all, I am ready to give up.

I imagine this post has been rambling. I’m sorry if I’m just coming across as whining. This blog has been a way for me to get my feelings out the past few weeks. As my tag line says “I overthink, therefore I am writing.”

I truly appreciate those of you who’ve at least listened.

I pray that we can make it through this.