The Overthinker's Journal

This is a hard post to write.

I have been pushed too far, so I’ve been forced to leave my dream job.

For the better part of the last two decades, I have served my nation as an intelligence analyst. This wasn’t just my job. It was my calling. It was my honor to serve. I admire my colleagues and love our mission. We protect our nation and make the world safer.

I can still remember the day I learned I got the job. I literally jumped up and down in my living room holding the letter. I carried that excitement with me through every branch I worked in.

I poured my heart and soul into my work, whether I was monitoring natural disasters, tracking military threats, creating and editing foundational datasets, or standing watch in our 24/7 operations center.

I felt the weight of responsibility in every report I wrote. I knew that my insights would shape decisions all the way to the highest levels. I saw the impact of my analysis on our world so many times.

I served in a way that felt meaningful and vital, and I was so proud that I played even a small role in guiding our nation forward.

Now it’s all over.

But I didn’t walk away because I was ready to move on.

I didn’t leave for performance issues, nor for personal failures, but because of a toxic, deliberate campaign to break the entire federal workforce.

I felt I had no other choice.

Donald Trump and Elon Musk have championed a narrative that civil servants are the enemy. They paint federal employees and the agencies we serve in as the problem, convincing the public that we are the ones standing in the way of progress. But it is their own progress, not America’s, that we are obstacles to.

Why? Because we took and continue to stand by our oath to “preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic,” rather than showing fealty to a corrupt despot and wannabe king.

Every day, I went to work knowing I was contributing to the safety and stability of this nation.

I was proud to enter the building and look up to the giant American flag hanging from the roof of the lobby. I felt that I was part of something far, far bigger than myself. I was upholding a legacy almost 250 years in the making.

But now, that’s gone.

I’ve said this before, but I need to point it out again. Russell Vought, the current director of the Office of Management and Budget and chief architect of Project 2025, openly admitted their goal. He, and this entire administration, wants to put federal employees “in trauma.” He said they want civil servants “when they wake up in the morning … to not want to go to work, because they are increasingly viewed as the villains.“

Well, they succeeded. I’m in trauma. When I wake up in the morning, I don’t want to go to work anymore. I approach each day with dread rather than hope.

I held on as long as possible. After all, I believed in the mission. I believed in my agency. I believed that the work mattered too much to let politics destroy it.

The constant attacks, the public demonizing, the vile and horrible words and actions of members of the administration, and their contempt for the rule of law, all chipped away at me.

So did the cruel comments to me from so-called friends, and the absence of any support whatsoever from others.

I found myself questioning if I could keep going. Not because the job stopped mattering, but because I couldn’t take the abuse anymore.

What’s worse, though, is knowing I’m not alone. Thousands of dedicated public servants have been pushed out, silenced, or demoralized. And thousands more will be if this is not stopped.

No, our system isn’t perfect. There are things that need to be fixed. But it wasn’t broken. At least, not until these men decided to break it.

And know this: they didn’t just rob me and thousands just like me of our careers. They robbed this country of experienced, principled, and committed people who wanted nothing more than to serve.

It will take decades, if not even longer, to rebuild the talent pool we had just a few months ago.

As for me? I will start over. I have found a new job, in a new town, and will have a new future. A different future. One that I didn’t plan on. I know I’ll find meaning in my new job. I know I’ll have opportunities to do great things in my new career. But the hole this leaves in me is massive, and no amount of moving forward will erase that.

Will it be better to have found this new direction? Perhaps. But the pain of this loss will linger for a very long time.

I mourn the job I loved. I weep for the career I was so proud of. I grieve the work I still wanted to do and the difference I still wanted to make.

I can feel it fading away, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

However, I promise myself, and anyone who’s reading this, one thing: Even though I have been pushed out of my dream job, I’m not done fighting for what’s right. This administration has weaponized hate and is using it against all of us. We must not let hatred win.